You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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