what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
