A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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