he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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