Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
