This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize