Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize