Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
