I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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