he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is Oprah even human
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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