i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
