He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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