I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
