Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
and you fell through a lawn chair
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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