Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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