I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
