Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
