i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
