I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
