You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
