I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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