put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize