I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
