when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
