I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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