I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
