Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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