so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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