my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
