Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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