no, he came in my armpit
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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