we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize