Say something about gay babies.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
