Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
