Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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