Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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