Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am puke
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
