i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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