the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
