I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We are all done wearing pants today
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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