WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
