No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
