I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
