So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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