I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
