I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize