the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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