Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
