I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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