Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my liver is dry heaving
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
