All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
