You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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