Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
