If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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