Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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