I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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