i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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