I accidentally burped into my bong.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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