My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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