I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
