While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
