You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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