Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
