all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
