sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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