Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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