Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
