i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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