i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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