We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My dick has a subreddit
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
