just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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