Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
